Your wounds will heal, stop touching them!
No one can imagine the pain you go through everyday to keep up that smile, to Laugh with your friends or play with those kids. People might be there to support you, feel for you, but even that won’t make the wound any less painful.
Consoling words are mere words, cause only you know how much it hurts, every second of every day and how desperately hard you try to keep it all from breaking you AGAIN.
You pretend to be happy, divert your mind, burden yourself with work to avoid his thoughts from entering your idle mind, yet they never seem to leave. You can’t afford the liberty of one second to breathe in peace, lest he enters your mind again and makes that hollow in your chest deeper. The very next moment, your heart starts feeling heavy and you fight those tears, trying to hide them behind a fake laugh, struggling with that lump in your throat.
It has been months now, what would people say if they saw you this way?
“He is gone, you deserve better, you have to move on.” Only someone who has been in your shoes would know that these are words that your brain has digested ages ago, but what about the heart that still wishes for a miracle?
It is okay to not be okay!
It is okay to not be okay for years. Because you can’t rush this. You can’t force yourself to be happy every night. You need to cry, lock yourself in, and cry out loud. You need to vent out your feelings, don’t make your heart carry their weight.
Only when you stop pretending, and accept that you are broken, will you feel whole again.
You are not alone, we have all been broken once, beyond repair, but we have survived. So will you!
Just put one step after the next, stay close to the people who love you, and among them, you’ll find that person who will heal you. All you need it to give them a chance. Don’t shut the door forever, don’t lock yourself in, rather lock that serpent out.
Be smart, don’t walk backwards to the one who broke you, walk right into the arms of someone who loves you, unconditionally and there you’ll find solace. You’ll learn to smile again and the frequency of those tears will gradually reduce. You may still break down once in a while, but it will start to hurt less and that itself will make you more confident.
The phoenix is reborn from its ashes, so will you! Don’t be afraid to move forward. Don’t be afraid to fall down, but every time you do, get back up, strive towards happiness along side the people who love you and shove it in his face – the fact that a few months or years later, you are finally happy that you are not stuck with him anymore!
~ Amrin Kharawala